Today is one of those days when doubts and fears rise up unwelcome and undeniable. All I can do is admit and accept them. They are part of the journey I’m on, and, honestly, they are usually related to my attempts at control and a related loss of trust in God.

There are some reasons on the surface. I’ve been busy with countless small and large projects. Some were important and others not so. I worked my way through a list of things and just finished my US taxes last night. During all this activity, I may have let some of the highest priorities slide (like time listening to the Spirit and enjoying real people).

Even so, we’re continuing to make great relational connections. Thursday nights (my semi-volunteer English class) are a weekly highlight, and I’ve had good times talking with friends. Not to mention, the detailed projects I’ve been doing sort of needed to get done, and I’m happy to have cleared my desk.

It’s funny how success can bring out a kind of fear and challenge to my trust. Along with each small success, I sense new responsibilities. Frankly, I think the feeling of responsibility frightens me, so I retreat into meaningless diversions to avoid the “pressure.”

I have issues.

I was reminded again of Peter walking on the water. He was doing the hard part, but then he looked at the waves — got scared — and sank.

I’d love for my life to change the world. Stepping out on the big water sounds exciting and I’d do it in a minute. But the little waves get me. I turn my attention from Jesus and sink NOT because of the great, deep ocean but over the ripples on the surface…